Not as Smart as One Might Think

For any of you worried about privacy invasion with all this "intelligent internet targeting" I have irrefutable proof that the computer marketers aren't nearly as smart as they'd like to think they are.

A friend passed along a Google Offers deal to me, and I noticed the "Your Favorite Brands" section in the lefthand banner side of the page. I am compelled to see exactly what Google believes my favorite, can't-live-without stores might be, according to the years and years of rich data they have been secretly and not-so-secretly collecting from me using their search engine. What follows is the official list, with a little commentary on each store as it pertains to me.

1) McCormick & Schmick's - I don't know what this business is or what it does. I have never heard of it before in my life, and part of me wanted to search and see what it was, but then Google would see that I was seeking out info on the place, and might think that I'm actually interested.

2) Morton's The Steakhouse - I like steaks, I'll give them that. I like steakhouses and even eating in steakhouses. I've never been to Morton's, but I suppose that if I were to be presented with a great deal to go to one, I'd highly consider it.

3) Juicy Couture - I have never owned a pair of sweats with writing on the butt. I will never own a pair of sweats with writing on the butt. To my knowledge I've never dated a female who has owned a pair of sweats with writing on the butt, and at this stage in my life, if I haven't yet, here's hoping I never do. I know they do more than sweats with writing on the butt, but that is literally the extent of my knowledge on this brand.

4) Chico's - I know nothing about Chico's. It's women's clothes, right? I think there used to be one in the mall. Either way, I know nothing about them.

5) Tilly's - Okay, I'll admit, I actually did a little google search on these guys because it was yet another brand that I had absolutely no knowledge of at all. Based on the name, I developed the opinion that it was probably a store featuring old lady clothes. But it's actually a skate/surf clothing shop, which is cool I guess. At least I learned something, right?

6) Jo-Ann Fabric and Craft - I don't know if I've ever been to a Jo-Ann before. I have been to fabric/craft stores, and I have to say, the main reason to go is that the girls who work there (let's be honest, there are NEVER men employees at a craft store) tend to be cute pixie-ish craft-minded girls, which I'm kind of into. That's the best part about going into those stores. Totally worth the awkwardness of walking into a craft store as a single and terribly out-of-place man.

7) Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. - I've been once, with the fam, right when these restaurants started popping up in mega-malls. As memory serves, it was cool. I think it's on Pier 39, right? I just remember that the waiter pulled up a chair and sat at our table to take our orders, which my parents deemed "quirky."

8) BJ's Restaurant & Brewhouse - Been a couple of times, this one isn't that far off the mark, because if I got a good coupon, I'd probably go take advantage of it.

9) Barnes & Noble - Do physical bookstores even exist anymore? Does anyone buy books online from somewhere that's not Amazon or Half.com? Not. Interested.

10) LIDS - For all your hat needs. Because I wear so many hats. Sports hats. Actually, the only thing (besides hats) that I associate with Lids is Chris Walla, guitarist from Death Cab for Cutie, who went through a period of time on Twitter last summer where he'd randomly tweet "Lids!" and for some unknown reason, it always made me giggle. Thank you, Google Deals, for reminding me about that.

So clearly, based on this experience in shopping recommendations from the smartest search engine in the universe (my generic claim, not theirs) you can clearly see that, if their shopping deals recommendations are any indication, we have nothing to worry about them finding out everything about our lives, reading our minds, or turning us into their automatons who mindlessly shuffle around in order to power their grand schemes.