Givin' the People What They Ask For

So the other day I had a little free time, and was checking out some stats on this blog. I can't help it folks, blogstat checking is kind of part of my job nowadays, so it's kind of bound to spill over into my everyday life too.

Anyhow, I noticed two very interesting things:

1) Far and away, the most popular and re-visited postings are my cranky old codger rants. Seems that an angry Bill is Bill at his top form. Seems to me that I have a knack for tirades that are at least moderately entertaining.

2) A vast majority of my older postings are friggin' entertaining. I'm not saying that the last few month's worth of posts, infrequent as they may be, aren't solid. But man, there was some grade-A dynamite back in the archives.


So in that spirit, I'm going to treat you to a little brief sendup of a new trend. I feel as if some time in the past I voiced my distaste for the high-waisted jeans that had crept into the fashion world like a year back or so. There are some things from the seventies that didn't need to come back, and those are definitely one of them in my book. Still, I was a good boy. I kept my mouth shut for the most part. I chalked it up to the fact that I'm a guy and I just didn't find them to be especially attractive on, well, anyone. But there's a new trend folks, and I get it even less: the boyfriend jean.

Yes, yes, yes, I get it kids. Androgynous dressing is all the rage. Hipster boys are squeezing into girls' jeans all over the place. Folks are looking to date others with similar builds so that they can double their wardrobe. I can hear the battle cry now: "gay guys have been doing it for years, why can't us heteros adopt the trend?" But folks, it's time to put my foot down. Take a look for yourselves:


I know, it's probably just a backlash against the insanity of skinny jeans, which have gotten to the point that they resemble sausage casings more than articles of clothing, but come on. Wearing baggy jeans with holes in them don't make you look stylish, it makes you look like you don't give a fuck about what you look like. It's ironic; isn't the baggy jeans/not giving a shit thing something that females have given guys grief about for years. If I showed up to work or to the bar or anything else, would I not be ridiculed if I had on baggy, ripped-up jeans? So how the hell does it work that because major designers suddenly said "get this look" and now every friggin woman is all abuzz about how wonderful it is.

Let me be blunt: ladies, when you wear jeans that appear two sizes too big and "distressed" you don't look hot, you kinda look like a hobo from the waist down. Especially when it's paired with some super-cool chic top and nice shoes.

In short, "boyfriend jeans" are cute when they're actually your boyfriend's. And even then, it's only cute to him. And it's only cute to him because when you're in his pants, that means he has a great chance of getting into your pants. And not in the hipster "I wear my girlfriend's skinny jeans because it might accent my junk" way, either.

Fashion, plus a recommendation

I'm a basic guy. Anyone who has spent more than a month around me could easily be me for Halloween with a few simple ingredients: a black tee with clever logo, a black hoodie, jeans, and black Chucks.

With my lack of fashion variety or color, I must state a little bit of beef: the youth of today are killing shoes as we know them. Hell yes, when I was a kid, I wore red Chucks. I have no problem with pairing colored shoes with your silly outfits, all you ghetto kids. I'm sure you're very proud that you can find a pair of once-respectable shoes that have been designed to match that teal sweatshirt, belt, t-shirt, and baseball hat. What I do have a problem with is when you kids mess with my stuff. For instance, has anyone out there seen Chuck Taylors recently? Yeah, I can still get my black lo-tops almost anywhere. I don't like that prices have doubled in the last 10 years or so. What makes me sick are ALL these new Chucks everywhere. Plaid? Polka dot? Silly colors and designs? Fucking Chuck Taylors made of Astro-turf?!?!?! What the hell is going on? It used to be like this: American made Chucks, twenty bucks, in one of about six different colors: black, white, blue, forest green, red, and I think brown. THAT is what Converse used to be all about, back when only people who were "in the know" bought them, and if you wanted custom designs, you bought a Sharpie and went to town.

I won't even get into a number of other fashion crimes committed by those younger than me. I will even say that I think it was my generation that, in part, ruined Doc Martens. So there you have it.

On a more positive note, the whole "clever and silly t-shirt" era is kind of a mixed blessing for me. I dig them, I appreciate the clever, the artsy, and the hard-to-find tees. I take pride in the fact that I can list an obscure website where I found some cool tee that you don't have. I don't like the fact that I could probably spend multiple paychecks on getting the ones I like and still not have them all, but that's really my own issue. Here's the big problem: until I grow up and start wearing "real people clothes" I will be known as ironic t-shirt guy. It's not a bad thing, but it makes me feel like a cop-out when I wear a solid colored tee or a ringer or something like that. So, in the meantime, feel free to compliment me on my shirt. Ask me where I got it. HOWEVER, if I am wearing a plain-ass shirt, please don't say "Hey, where's the clever saying on that shirt?" or something else like that.

Oh, and if you want a GREAT indie rock album - go out and get "Boxer" by The National. It's worth every penny, and there's definitely a reason it's on every one's best of 2007 lists.