Carl's Jr. Can Kiss My Ass.

I have kept mum about this as I never thought I was all that terribly bad in the past. Yes, I took issue with their old slogan of "without us, some guys would starve." I still think it's dumb. If you can't figure the basics of cooking, and not only lack the ability to prepare food, let alone buy food, chances are you deserve to starve. Moreover, it should absolutely nothing to do with the presence of testicles. Just because I pack a Y chromosome doesn't mean that I am lost in a kitchen. Still, I said "okay, they're just playing off an ignorant stereotype.

However, now they have gone too far. The premise of this series of commercials is that some sweatpants-donning douchebag has promised his wildly hotter-than-he-is girlfriend that he would take her to a steak dinner. When she arrives all skanked out at his house, he is sitting like a moron, playing a handheld video game. When asked why he isn't ready to go, it is brought to light that he has planned to take her to a romantic dinner at a fucking fast food restaurant. The slogan "how men do fancy".

My issues:

1) It makes the wild claim that people still actually eat at Carl's Jr.
2) Hot skank girlfriend with loser boyfriend.
3) Loser boyfriend manages to theoretically keep his girlfriend without obviously buying her affection.
4) Videogame playing is used to further enforce a man's undateable status.
5) "Steak dinner" is supposed to be an acceptable stand-in for "fast food imitation steakmeat made of grade F dog"
6) Any man thinks it's okay to take a girl to Carl's Jr. for dinner
7) Now, not only can men not cook, they also cannot understand what "fancy" means.


As a testicle-bearing American, I take personal offense to Carl's Jr. and their marketing morons. Whomever came up with those pathetic excuses for commercials should be chemically sterilized for the good of the species. If not chemically, I'd be happy to do it manually.