Commitment to Shoddy Materials

This is my busted-ass DVD player remote control. If you look closely, you will notice that it is held together by tape where it is coming apart at the corner. Let me explain to you why this pathetic gathering of plastic, PCB, rubber buttons, and batteries is coming apart at the corner like a cheap suit.

First, let me explain one little thing - this DVD player is cheap. Like cheap cheap. Target no-name brand thirty dollar DVD player. But I tell ya what - it plays almost every DVD I can throw at it, even the Canadian DVD of Down By Law that I can't even get to play in a number of more high-end players. I know I could easily just get another one, but dammit, the DVD player still works fine, it's just the remote that has issues.

See, like the dumbass I am, I was neglectful of this poor remote when it was not in use, so I had a little battery explosion issue, which I only found out about when I went to re-commission this little fella. In the process of acidic erosion, one of the tabs that connects the battery was rotted through. Undeterred, I did what I do best - I popped it open and re-soldered the little tab back into the PCB board. Granted, part of the tab had broken off, but it seemed to be making due.

So probably six months after the initial repair, I began having issues again. Of course, again, within a few days, I have the remote in pieces and I'm poking around. I checked the previously offending tab and, much to my surprise, it seems solid and intact. I check around a little bit more, and lo and behold, there's a crazy little capacitor hanging loose at one end. Being the clever, resourceful, and intelligent guy that I am, I get another bit of wire, and spliced it with the wire on the capacitor, then soldered the whole mess together.

So after probably six weeks or so of quality remoting, it got finicky again. This time there was no intermittent "gee this isn't working right" period - it just flat died. Guess what? The battery tab came loose. This time, things called for a bit more drastic action. In straight-up MacGuyver style, I soldered a length of wire onto the offending battery tab, ran the wire through the hole in the PCB, soldered that beast in there, and cut the excess wire off the opposite side. Unfortunately, I had to give a little extra length on the other side, which led to the lack of sufficient closure on the casing. Solution? Clear packing tape. So now I officially have a sufficiently ghetto remote for my cheapo DVD player.

Why do I do this? Honestly, in part, because it's fun. Plus it makes me all manly and alluring because I can fix shit. Plus, there's a little part of me who really gets a kick out of the fact that I can mend things with extreme heat and molten metal. In my land, soldering is kind of like sewing for men - it's a domestic talent that most everyone should at least have a basic handle on.

Maybe I do have a bit of my dad in me after all...