So I wake up today, roll out of bed just slightly later than usual, and get moving. The bus ran pretty much on time, I'm almost done reading my current literary selection, and the weather has gotten pleasantly cool. I get off work smoothly, start walking up Second street towards the office, all the while thinking these deeply literary thoughts, and as soon as I turn the corner to get to the office it hits me: I didn't blog last night.
Now I can make up excuses all over the place as to why. I can blame it on my old friend, Anchor Steam. I can blame it on the fact that I was tired. I can blame it on the fact that I had to get up and go to work. All of these claims hold some amount of merit. Instead, what I think I will do is say this: it completely slipped my mind. I came home tired after a long day and a long night, and the call of my bed was louder than the voices I hear in my head that tell me to blog. (Not in a schizophrenic way or anything like that. Really it's what most people would call "memory") Still, here I am. I am considering this exercise in blogging, done at work, "on-the-job practice". I'm selling this blog as the trial run for the blog I have to write later.
This blog, however, will be about pick-up lines. Some of you who know me are aware of the fact that I used to bribe my English students with pick-up lines. No, not that way you dirty, dirty people. Here's how it worked: every Friday, if my senior Lit classes could stay focused and remain relatively on point most of the class period, (a HARD thing to do after lunch on Friday afternoons) I would reward them with a few choice hideous pickup lines that I have accrued over the years. This became a smash hit, and my students loved me forever. I don't know how I feel about the fact that some kids from other classes would "go to the bathroom" a few minutes before the end of class to stick their head in my doorway minutes before the bell, but that's all in the past.
Anyhow, I was at the bar last night with my friend Iain, and since it was a slow night because the Raiders were getting trounced by the Broncos, we began making idle chatter with the bartendress. It wasn't in a particularly flirtatious manner, really more just us two lads being the charming and witty chaps that we are, so we couldn't help but being heard. Either way, we were discussing Joe Namath's drunken antics of a few years back in trying to kiss Suzy Kolber:
The question was: does drunkenly leaning in and saying "I wanna kiss you" pass as a pickup line if you're one of the NFL's more storied quarterbacks? Lord knows it won't work for everyday schlubs like myself and my friends. At least most of the time. So this lead to the larger discussion of if pick-up lines work at all. I personally think if they're lighthearted enough and delivered with just the right amount of silliness, they can work wonders. I won't get into listing funny ones, because I'd be here all morning coming up with zinger after zinger. Instead, I turn to you, dear readers, to let me know: have you had great success with one? Girls, has a guy used a pick-up line that actually made you consider wanting to talk to him more?
Our research last night reinforced the fact that I have been well aware of for some time now: the best thing any male can do is buy a girl a drink, keep your distance, and let her come to you. It may be a little passive-aggressive, but it shows that you're open to seeing if they're actually interested, and not forcing yourself into a situation that will be uncomfortable for all parties involved.
Then again, I have been single damn near forever now...
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