A quick one before bed.

No, not like that you sickos. Get your mind out of the toilet.

Rather, tonight's post is quite the opposite. See, I ride the bus on average ten hours a week these days. Fifteen when MUNI is being MUNI and the trains I'm on sit idly by in the tunnel. Anyhow, I'm not going to lie, one of the highlights of being on a crowded MUNI bus is the chance to eyeball attractive girls with the hopes that maybe they might either notice me and give a smile, or at least not notice as long as I have a good clear view of them. This doesn't make me a pervert or anything, it makes me a male. A very single male.

However, I have noticed in the last few days that there are many instances of men just being gross or wrong to female MUNI passengers. Guys who will bypass rows of empty seats to squeeze in next to a woman. Guys who stand just a little too close or even ogle from afar a little too long. Then finally, yesterday, I witnessed the last straw: some dickwad (who seemed to have some sort of mental issues, so I can't be completely appalled) passed by a very distinguished and attractive woman sitting by the door. On his way out of the door, as she was applying chapstick, he leans close to her and says something to the effect of "ooh, yeah, I like that, you're so sexy" and continued walking. Bothersome as much as that may have been, he made matters work by promptly walking IN the back door of the bus again and continuing another three or four stops.

If it weren't almost a form of rubbing it in, I almost would have gone up to her and apologized on behalf of testicled Americans from coast to coast. Instead, I figure I'll issue this statement:

Public transit riding females the world over, I'd like to apologize on behalf of all mankind for the times guys have been rude or gross to you. I realize you can't return the favor, because most men would enjoy being objectified like they do to you. Rather, I apologize most for the fact that relatively good and upright men (as I usually strive to be) must stand idly by as this happens. See, getting into a fight on the bus is not an accepted excuse for being late to work or arrested. Just know that my heart, and the heart of like-minded males all go out to you. Please, continue to look as attractive as you naturally are. Buy a nice pair of noise cancelling headphones, and hell, I won't even blame you for wearing sunglasses when riding the trains underground. Keep fighting the hot fight. And maybe while you're at it, make a guy's day by smiling at him on the bus from time to time. Especially if you ride the K/T line and there's a guy standing in the middle of your train with a black hoodie and a messenger bag. He's really nice. And single.


Stay classy!