A whole can of worms...

The city has turned grey again, and it's now a few minutes before three in the afternoon. I've got nothing going on all day, and have spent the better part of the weekend sitting on the couch, just enjoying the act of sitting on the couch. I'm a cozy caterpillar in a zen-like cocoon. I'm the master of my immediate universe. This, however, means one thing: I have little else to do other than sit around and think about... well, the following:

Sports announcers need to leave coaches the hell alone: Nothing bothers me like sportscasters on the sideline, in the penalty box, well, really they just bother me in general. But what gets my goat is when they have those stupid "mid-game" check ins with coaches. For instance, the football coach on his way in to the locker room at halftime gets stopped by some sportscaster who always asks the same question: "So coach, what are your impressions going into the half?" And they all have the same responses. If winning "Well, we're moving the ball well, keeping the defense on their heels, and we've done a good job getting points on the board. I hope to keep the momentum going into the second half, and hope our defense can continue to hold them so we can keep the offense on the field." However, if the coach is losing, he goes with script B: "Well, you know, we let them jump out to a lead, but we just need to hold tight and keep fighting. If our defense can get some key stops on third down, we're right back in this game. We've got some good momentum going into the half, and we hope to keep it going into the second half."

So here's my thing - if I were a coach, I'd tell it like it is: "Well, right now, we may be winning, but I want to put this team in the ground. I want to run up the score and leave the other guys limping home to mama." And if I were losing, I'd be curt: "Will you please leave me the hell alone? Last time I checked the scoreboard, we were down by (insert number here) points. I have to get my team back in this game, not talk to you." Even worse is when they do the live-mic things. I don't need to hear what a coach tells someone in a huddle. Broadcasters, have enough to say that you don't need to distract coaches who are doing their jobs.

Moving on...

Has anyone seen NBC's Sunday night lineup for tonight?: That's right folks, apparently it's 1988 all over again. Three hours of prime-time TV, and what do we have??? The American Gladiators Finale and Knight Rider. I'm not saying it's a bad thing. I'm not even saying that I won't watch it. I just think it's funny that network TV realizes that it has officially run out of anything interesting or exciting to show ever again. Who knows, I might even go for a spin on my big wheel afterwards, and round out the evening playing some Contra on my Nintendo.

OTHER THINGS THAT I BELIEVE ARE GREAT

- People with whom I can have ceaseless shallow, yet incredibly fulfilling, conversation: I find this to be one of the greatest joys in life. It doesn't matter if it's a discussion of random grammar rules, what kind of jelly works best in a PB&J, or hangover cures that do and don't work. I have always found, the more random the question - the more you find out about who a person REALLY is.

- 80's Ska bands: You know what I'm talking about -- The Specials, The English Beat, Selecter, Madness -- all those good ol' Two-Tone bands. Unfortunately, even Hepcat has been lying low these days. The world needs more rocksteady bands.

- Belgian-style beers: As much as I constantly hype the wonders of Pabst Blue Ribbon (and I am not softening my position on this) I find that if I am going to drop some coin on a beer, I tend to enjoy some fine delicious Belgian ales. Plus, they all come in their own specific glasses. Deeeee-lightful.

- Zombie movies: come on, what's more satisfying than watching an army of the undead chase after mortified humans? Plus, seeing someone getting their face eaten off is just kind of fun from time to time.

- Spring Training: yes, folks. I'm a die-hard baseball fan. I also love re-living the past. Spring training is like that first day of baseball practice in high school. I'd spend the entire off-season (aka August through December) waiting for the day to come, and come early January, we'd lift weights for weeks and then, finally when the rain let up just enough, we got to lace up the spikes and hit the field. Spring training is the annual occurrence when you get to see baseball players enjoying playing baseball just for the fun of it -- no one is slumping, no one is worried about the playoffs, everyone just goes out to run drills and play some split-squad games. It's also about a month of sheer anticipation of how great this year's baseball season will prove to be.

THINGS I DON'T THINK ARE GREAT

- Nascar: It's hard to believe that a majority of our country's citizens consider this a "sport". It's a bunch of cars driving in circles forever. How can people consider it "exciting" to watch cars go in circles, turning one way, for hours on end? How can commentators make a case for this? "Oooh, he's driving really fast... so's the other guy.... uh ohhhh, they're hitting the straightaway... things might get hairy when they turn again.... Maybe in another half an hour we'll see someone crash. Don't you folks like seeing crashes?" I refuse to believe that filling a car's gas tank is considered part of competition.

- Girly princesses and the jocks who love them: There was a time when I was younger that I used to go to "cool" bars and look at hot girls. I eventually came to a realization: these women are horrible. Yes, they're fantastic to look at, but more often than not they are awful to carry on conversations with. As always, there are exceptions, but I've just met a few too many ladies who I find gorgeous yet revolting. I guess they should just find the next wave of corporate America and be well taken care of.

- The new beard trend: Sorry hipsters, sorry 80% of people in the Pacific Northwest, sorry Sam Beam of Iron & Wine -- looking like a backwoodsman is not the new black. I know a couple of people who make the beard look work, but there are just so many other facial hair options that look a hell of a lot better. Yes, I hate shaving as much as the next guy, maybe more. Unfortunately, it's just not such a great idea to leave a scraggly rat's nest on your face.

So there you have it. I hope I've somewhat made up for a slightly lackluster couple of day's worth of postings. Have a good rest-of-the weekend, everyone.