Out of the frying PAN...

Okay folks, as I promised - here's the flip side of the coin. Before I get cranking, I wanted to wish a happy anniversary to Jennifer and Brian, two of my more dedicated readers.

Now that I've gotten the happiness and warm wishes out of the way, on with the bitterness and spite!

PANS

1) Single people's conversational ambiguity - I'd like to think that I'm not alone in this situation. Follow along if you will: you're single, and you kind of have your eye on someone. After a few conversations, or some manner of prolonged exposure, you're about to get up the nerve to say something to this person about getting a drink or something equally cheesy. Then, all of a sudden, they mention their significant other. I don't hold the people responsible. I know it's completely normal to have conversations with the opposite sex all the time, regardless of your relationship status. I also do NOT expect people to be like "Hi, I'm *insert name here*, I have a special someone. I'm just saying that it drives me up the wall when I (or any single person, for that matter) builds something up in their mind like that, just to have the hammer dropped when you least expect it.

2) Protesters - At the risk of sounding like a Republican, I just have to say that I really don't get it. Something like a walkout for involved parties makes perfect sense to me, but we're getting a little protest happy. Take for instance this whole Olympic thing: do you think foreign warlords really give two shits that Americans are unhappy that the Olympic torch is going through their town? Will someone with a sign on the torch route really make a Chinese soldier think twice before killing a Tibetan? Yes, I realize you have to make a stand, and that silence is like consent, but come on now - focus your energies better. Could you have taken the time it took you to camp out for a good protest spot to actually do something useful in fighting for your cause? Another example: the war protests. Yes, the "war on whatever the great bush says this week" is completely absurd. It's going to end up making Vietnam look like a grade school recess. But does marching en masse to Civic Center in SF make a single fucking shred of difference? Hell no. Write to a politician, donate your time to actually help the soldiers overseas, do something more worthwhile than stand around waving a sign or slapping a bumper sticker on your car about what you think.

3) Heartburn - Yes, I know this is nature's way of telling me that I drink too much coffee, or maybe I should start taking a little cream in my Java, but dammit, coffee is a way of life. It's my way of life. But this is getting bothersome -- I get wicked heartburn a lot. To the point where I can feel the burn in my wrist from time to time. Don't ask me the connection, it has something to do with neurotransmitters and similar reception areas in the brain. I know my pops gets heartburn easily, but my gramps would drink like four to five pots of coffee a day and it didn't bother him. Yes, I meant to say pots, not cups. Why the hell do I lose sleep with acid reflux after like three cups of joe?

4) Over-sharing - It's time I speak out about this. There are parameters. I know everyone has different comfort levels with different things, but it seems to me that a LOT of people are WAAAAY too comfortable around me. It's been happening since high school. I don't want to know about your weird sexual enjoyments. I don't really care about your latest bowel movement or lack thereof. No, I really don't want to see your rash. I know that I'm self-conscious at times, that I am more private than some, but your discussing whatever it is you feel the need to discuss this week will not get me to share my more intimate secrets. How about we discuss something intelligent instead of the quality and frequency of your flatulence. I'm not above some of this chatter; I will join in occasionally, but more often than not, I'm not the one to initiate that line of questioning.